


Are you coming home to me?

by Aylaar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Auror Harry Potter, Boys Kissing, Child Abuse, Child Abuse (resolved), Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Good Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Head Auror Harry Potter, Heavy Angst, Insecurity, James Malfoy-Potter (OC), Jealous Draco Malfoy, Journal, Journal Entries, Longing, Love, M/M, Magical Pregnancy, Mpreg, Neville loves plants, Not Canon Compliant, Oblivious Harry Potter, Original Character - Freeform, Orphanages, Pining, Pregnancy, Pregnant Draco Malfoy, Tea, cottages, he LOVES plants, inner turmoil, original child - Freeform, seriously though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22793497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aylaar/pseuds/Aylaar
Summary: Draco is convinced Harry is cheating on him, that he's going to leave him after years together. Draco has given him his heart and soul on a silver platter, now he's sure Harry's leaving him, he's breaking bit by bit.With heavy angst and a cute orphaned child, can they work it out?For GallaPlacidia, who's writing keeps me sane and is a fantastic friend. <3
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 30
Kudos: 970





	Are you coming home to me?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GallaPlacidia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallaPlacidia/gifts).



> This fic was supposed to be part of an anthology, but it wasn't really good enough / fit the theme correctly, so I've published it separately with a different ending than it's original version, for my dear friend Galla. I hope you like it, it's quite angsty but I do promise it's a happy ending.
> 
> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> ** TW: Implied child abuse, heavy angst, pining and also a very sad Draco Malfoy - mpreg. **
> 
> Thank you to my betas that read this fic through for me. It's not perfect, but it's got soul.

**Journal Entry #6205**

**1st September, 2006.**

_It’s a little bit all consuming really, love. One minute you’re yourself, you’re happy and content with what you have - if you’re not then well, you can always try to do better, can’t you? Love is a little bit like being too hot in the sun and moving to the shade, where you can tell it’s niggling on the surface, but you’re protected by the cocoon of darkness that surrounds you, comforting, soothing. I used to think love was for fairy-tales, or idiots who decided they needed another person for validation. Since I discovered love, I found that maybe I was wrong all along. I had fallen fast and hard, well you know that - I write in you every day._

_You see, I still believe love isn’t for me, not because I don’t love Harry, but because I feel it so strongly it scares me sometimes. I feel this intensity, it’s burning desire, helplessness, I’m at the mercy of him, I can’t do anything without him, I spend my days thinking about what he’s up to, what we’ll do tomorrow, I’ll watch the clock ticking down - I would spend every waking moment with him if I could and when I look at him, I see forever, I see everything I ever wanted in this five foot eight man who could leave me at any moment, and my life would come crashing to my feet. It’s a weird notion, is love._

_I’ve been thinking about it a lot today, I went to see Pansy - she was telling me all about her love life woes, she’s just been dumped for the fourth time. It’s not right either, she’s a bit prickly like me but she deserves the world and she loves just as hard as I do. I wonder if that’ll be me someday. Pans said Harry’s gotten love letters at work._

_Hm._

****

Draco chewed his lower lip thoughtfully as he placed his quill down beside his leather bound journal. He’d been writing in it for years, expanding it as he ran out of pages. It looked a little like a tome now, worked down at the edges. Some of the earlier pages were stained with age, he’d started writing in it when he was ten years old. At twenty-seven, there were thousands of journal entries now. Never missing a single day.

He closed the journal and pushed it to the back of his writing desk. It sat at the back of his cosy living room he shared with Harry, they’d bought a small cottage on the outskirts of Hogsmeade Village three years ago, they'd gotten together at twenty-two. Hermione had made pretty good friends with Pansy, which astounded most of their social circles, they often shared tales of ‘womanly woes’ as Weasley put it so elegantly. In reality, Pansy was one of the quickest witches to become Editor of Witch Weekly and Hermione had met with her to discuss some new legislation she wanted to do an interview about.

When it had been published after months and months of work, they all went out for a drink at the Leaky together. Draco had begrudgingly joined, though he’d have preferred to stay at home with his new book. 

Potter had been there, still dressed in his blood red Auror robes and looked the picture of _fit_. Draco feasted on him greedily, staring from behind his pint glass. They’d caught each others gazes quite a few times from across the room, eventually they’d begun talking and well the rest as they say was history.

Letting out a sigh, he placed his palms on the desk and hoisted himself up. Harry was still at work, which gave Draco plenty of time to mull things over in his mind. Yesterday, whilst he was at his weekly coffee date with Pansy she’d told him a rather ‘funny’ story about how Harry has a secret admirer at his workplace, who keeps sending him love notes through the departmental note system. Draco had asked how she knew this, to which she’d replied Ron told her. 

It had niggled Draco a little, why hadn’t Harry mentioned this to him? Was he seeking someone else? His boyfriend had spent a lot of late nights at work recently, sometimes he’d not even come home at all. It had eaten away at him in ways Draco was too embarrassed to admit. 

He wandered into the kitchen, his footsteps echoing off the hardwood floor. Reaching the counter, he clicked the kettle on and lent back on the counter. Draco couldn’t help his jealousy. It was an unattractive trait, of course. But maybe he was just a spoilt child, who couldn’t cope with the idea that someone would take his toys away, or he wouldn’t get just what he wanted.

His father had always called him greedy. He wanted the best brooms, the best clothes, the best writing equipment. He’d made his mother ship the most prestigious cauldron galleons could buy from the south of France, then promptly told her to send it back when it was the wrong colour. It annoyed Draco, how much of a petulant child he was. 

These days, he led a modest life. Draco and Harry had enough galleons between them to sink a ship, or maybe an entire Armada. They lived in a very modest cottage, three bedrooms - a dining room, living room, one room was en-suite with a nicely sized bathroom at the end of the hall. 

It wasn’t a big cottage, the garden was very generously sized however. Often, Neville would come over to check on the various different herbs he’d planted in their back garden. When the man had commented on how nice the garden was, and how lush it looked for herbs, Harry had offered him use of it. Draco hadn’t complained, whenever he thought of planting flowers the painful memory of his mother pruning roses in the Manor surfaced, he’d lost her four years ago. Grief, he suspected.

The click of the kettle coming to the boil brought Draco out of his thoughts, he sighed again. Turning around, he began preparing himself a cup of tea. His eyes rested on the cup sitting on the counter to the right of their mug tree. It was Harry’s favourite. He smiled fondly at the cup, then something uneasy settled, it bubbled in the pit of his stomach. One day he wouldn’t have a cup to smile at, he wouldn’t live in the small, homely cottage he’d built with the man he loved.

It was all wrong.

Picking up the finished cup shakily, Draco brought it to his lips and sipped, letting his eyes close for a moment. He needed to try and relax.

****

Draco had busied himself by changing the sheets on their bed, cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, tidying up the various different books, magazines and letters from the coffee table in the living room, he’d changed the runner on the dining room table, dusted the cabinets and straightened up the bathroom. These days, Draco didn’t like to do things with magic. He’d attended appointments with a Mind Healer after the war, who taught him different coping mechanisms to deal with his post-war PTSD. He found cleaning therapeutic.

Hearing the pop of apparition, Draco turned his head towards the door and offered a weak smile as Harry walked through the door. He’d tried to keep his mind off his suspicions, hoping the cleaning would help. It hadn’t. There were so many unanswered questions, so much wonder. It was tearing him apart but he wasn’t sure he really wanted to _know_ the answers. 

“Hey.” greeted Harry, giving Draco a half wave as he closed it behind him. Draco nodded his head, chewing on his lower lip for a moment. Harry looked happy, something that didn’t happen often when he’d returned from work. Usually, he’d kick his boots off by the door plop on the couch and started complaining about all the paperwork he’d done that day. 

“Hi,” Draco replied, slotting the last magazine to their magazine rack which sat to the left of Harry’s favourite armchair. Yet another thing Draco would miss. 

“You alright?” he asked, wandering into the kitchen. Draco heard the click of the kettle, instead of following him in there, he walked down to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Draco sat down on the toilet seat lid, rubbing the heel of his hands against his closed eyelids. He wanted to ask Harry what was going on, before Pansy had told him he had suspicions. He wondered whether the man was at work or whether he was working on someone else. Their love life had been otherworldly for years, only dying down this year - Harry had been promoted to Head Auror, with the title came way more responsibilities. Draco had put it down to pure tiredness, being overworked, and the drive to show the world he was capable of being Head Auror, but nowadays he wasn’t too sure. The last time they’d actually had sex was a little over a month ago.  
A light knock at the door pulled Draco out of his musings, he found himself daydreaming a lot more lately, he’d zone out as though he was sucked into a vacuum, into another world almost. 

“Draco, are you alright?” came a voice from the other side of the door. A wave of guilt washed over Draco, he cleared his throat and nodded, though Harry wouldn’t see it. 

“Yeah, fine, a little tired - got a bit of a sickly stomach,.” he said, it wasn’t a lie - he’d been feeling a bit sickly for a few days. Nerves. 

“Alright, well..” Harry trailed off, Draco looked at the wooden panels of the back door, chewing his lip. It was a nervous tick he had acquired, funnily enough from Harry. He’d seen the man do it so often, he’d picked it up himself. He constantly had to use lip balm, feeling he was wearing his lips away.

“Yes?” Draco finally asked. His eyes trailed the lines of wood grain in the door, anxiously waiting for the other man's reply. They’d been together for five years now but Harry never failed to make Draco nervous. He never felt good enough for his love, the son of Lucius Malfoy, an ex-Death Eater and well, all round a bit of an arsehole really.

“I wondered if you wanted to go out for dinner, it’s er..” he could hear Harry was nervous, his tone of voice was a little off. Draco frowned, this wasn’t like him. “It’s our-” cut off by the sound of rustling behind him, Harry sighed. “Back in a minute, I think Neville’s here again.” he sounded agitated.

Draco didn’t want to leave the protection of the bathroom, for some reason he found this to be his safe place. It was funny to think about, considering he’d had bathroom related PTSD incidents in the past, one even in this very house. Harry had been past himself with grief, he’d apologised profusely. It had made Draco feel worse, he didn’t blame the man for what he did. Hell, he would’ve done it the same himself. But it didn’t help the fear that welled up in his body.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his frazzled nerves down. He stood up and flushed the toilet, he’d not been - he wasn’t sure why he’d even done it. Shaking his head, he made his way to the door and placed his hand on the door handle. He hovered there for several more moments as though he was psyching himself up before he exited the bathroom.

Just as he did, Harry was walking back down the corridor shaking his head and mumbling something about idiots interrupting. His eyes landed on Draco and a warm smile spread across his lips. It made Draco’s heart leap.

“Hey, sorry about that.” He groaned, rolling his eyes. “Neville wanted my opinion on some herb he planted, like I know a thing about fucking plants.” Draco nodded his head, returning the smile. “My stomach is pretty shitty, I don’t really want any dinner,” he admitted. The disappointed look on Harry’s face made him feel small and cruel. A pang of guilt and nausea in the pit of his stomach. It was times like this, Draco wondered what the bloody hell he did to deserve a man as special as Harry. Not because of his name, or the fact he defeated the Dark Lord, nothing like that. The man in front of him was kind, sincere, he liked peanut butter on his toast and always complained if he had to make his own cup of tea. He liked lavender oil in his bath and always curled the blankets round his legs, like they were going to escape. 

A man who made him feel safe, comforted even. It hurt even more because Draco loved the man in front of him unconditionally and likely until the day he dies. His mother always used to say Draco enjoyed making a mountain out of a molehill, he wondered sometimes if he was blowing everything out of proportion. 

“Alright, well, we can just watch something on TV I suppose.” Harry said, shaking his hand. Draco could tell it bothered him. “You could go, if you wanted to,.” he said quietly, almost a whisper. Harry frowned, then shook his head. “No, it’s fine.” 

Beginning to walk past him, Harry caught his arm and he turned his head to the dark haired man, he looked up into his emerald eyes for a moment, before averting his gaze. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Draco just nodded, shrugged his arm free and walked into the living room, sitting down on the end of the sofa, pulling his knees up to his chest. If he was honest with himself, he wasn’t really sure if he was _alright_ he felt the overwhelming urge to pull Harry to his chest and hold him there for eternity, beg him not to leave him, tell him how much he loved and needed him, cry, scream, shout - instead, he did nothing. If he was going to lose him, he better start getting used to the idea now.

****

Neville had gone home a few hours ago, the two of them sat on opposite ends of the couch - which was unusual since Harry usually favoured his armchair. He kept looking at his watch, then back up to the television. Draco could tell the other man was nervous, his right leg bounced up and down now and again, he’d shift in his seat as though uncomfortable. Draco let out a sigh, tucking a strand of his blond hair behind his ear. They were watching Grey’s Anatomy, something Draco enjoyed watching these days.

After a weird Christmas at the Burrow, Draco had gotten into a long conversation with Arthur Weasley about muggle technology. The man seemed to know so much and so little at the same time. He recounted the time himself and Harry went on the tube, as well as the day someone finally explained to him the use of a rubber duck. He’d told Draco all about computers and how muggles built them with sand. Draco thought it was utter rubbish, nobody could make _anything_ useful out of sand, except a sandcastle maybe. Then Arthur told him all about the ‘tellybox thing’ he’d told him about moving pictures, like wizard photographs. Draco had been intrigued, so he’d asked Harry about it. They’d acquired a television for their cottage not long after and he’d been hooked ever since. Even inviting Arthur around so he could have a look too. 

Harry turned his head towards Draco and bit his lip. He scanned Draco’s features, trying to figure out what was going on in the other man's head was a mystery all by itself. It had taken him almost two years for Draco to open up to him, but he was constantly finding out new information about the man, more things to love. “I think I might go down the pub.” he said finally, he watched Draco’s face to gauge a reaction, but the other man simply shrugged his shoulders. 

“Okay.” he said simply, not even turning his head in Harry’s direction. Sighing, Harry stood up and nodded his head. “I’ll see you later.” he mumbled, before he apparated away.

Draco let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, turning his head to the empty space that once held Harry, his stomach clenching painfully. “I miss you,.” he whispered into thin air.

****

Harry landed just outside the Leaky, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. What the hell was up with Draco? He had been off with him since yesterday, barely answering his questions, he didn’t even look his way.

He walked through the door and ordered a firewhiskey, turning his attention to the occupants of the pub. His eyes rested on Ron who sat solemnly staring into his glass. Harry frowned. Tonight was not pub night. He tossed a couple galleons Tom’s way and smiled. “Cheers.” he said, before wandering over to Ron’s table, plonking down on to the bar stool opposite.

“Alright?” he asked, frowning at his best friend. Ron’s head snapped up, gaze resting on Harry’s face. “What are you doing here, mate?” Ron smiled grimly. Harry shrugged his shoulders. “Draco’s being weird.”

Ron let out a snort and shook his head. “He’s always weird, can’t say Hermione is being much better.” he grumbled, swirling the contents of his pint glass around. “To weird partners.” Harry announced, holding his glass up for Ron to toast. His friend laughed and clinked his glass against Harry’s. “Hear, hear.” 

They’d began chatting about different things, from Draco to Hermione, to Neville and his fucking herbs, Luna and her incessant whinging about interviews for the Quibbler, Ginny who was doing exceedingly well on the Holyhead Harpies, to Quidditch in general. Harry felt instant regret, he was so frustrated and upset with his current situation, he shouldn’t take it out on his friends even if they weren’t here, in truth he enjoyed Neville’s chat about herbs, after all it was his and Draco’s garden he grew them in. Harry was always there to do interviews for the Quibbler too, Draco enjoyed Luna’s company also. But maybe that was the issue, he seemed to associate everything with Draco these days.

Ron was six pints in, Harry five glasses of firewhiskey in and both of them were definitely feeling the effects of their alcohol consumption. “I think Draco’s going to leave me.” Harry said firmly, but the tinge of sadness in his voice was not lost on Ron, even if he was a bit pissed. “Why do you think that mate?” he slurred in response, his ginger hair sticking to his damp forehead, cheeks flushed.

“He didn’t remember our anniversary today, and he’s not talking to me.” Harry sighed, shaking his head. Ron sighed. “You did have to get with the _ferret_ mate, that in itself is shit.” admitted Ron, a cheeky smile on his face.

Harry rolled his eyes and stood up, he was suddenly aware the world was spinning a little. He held on to the side of the table to balance himself and sighed. “I better go home.” he said, looking over at the bar. He longed for another firewhiskey but he knew if he had one more he’d probably not get home tonight. “Aye, same here mate.”

“Can we use your floo?” Harry shouted over. Tom nodded and gestured towards the fireplace, offering Harry a smile. “Of course,.” came the reply.

The two of them headed towards the fireplace, saying their goodbyes before Harry walked through - shouting the address to his cottage and disappearing through the roaring flames.

****

Harry stumbled through the fireplace a little after midnight, knocking over a vase as he fell through. They never used the floo, so Draco had put several ornamental vases in front of it. All of their friends and family knew their coordinates, and they’d asked them not to use the floo system. Draco always complained about the mess it made.

The lights were off in the living room and the cottage was silent, he wondered if he’d woken Draco up with the noise he’d made coming through but he didn’t hear any footsteps. Harry tried to pick the vase up and put it back where it was, but it slipped out of his hands and crashed to the floor, shards of glass flying off everywhere, skidding across the wood flooring.

He heard shuffling footsteps from ahead, groaning inwardly. Draco was going to go mental. Looking up, he saw the sleep mussed state of his boyfriend, he couldn’t help the smile on his face as he scanned Draco’s features. His hair was messy, he was wearing Harry’s old Gryffindor pyjamas, they were a little short on his legs, but Draco was very thin and pointy.

“What the fuck, Harry?” Draco grumbled, looking down at the mess he made. He walked further in, stepping on one of the glass shards, he winced and let out a gasp. “Agh, fuck!” he cursed. Harry rushed forwards, but lost his balance a little and ended up slamming into the armchair instead.

“Merlin’s saggy tits, Potter just stay there,.” he ordered, shaking his head. Draco never used his surname anymore, for some reason the use of it sent chills down Harry’s spine. He knew the blond was pissed off with him, but even when Harry stumbled in at three in the morning Draco had never gotten angry like this. 

“I’m sorry.” Harry said, trying to choke back the sob rising in his throat. He could feel hot prickly tears threatening to fall in the corners of his eyes. The thought of losing Draco was more than Harry could bare, he wasn’t sure if it was the heightened senses of being intoxicated or a deep seated fear that had intensified over the years, but it scared him.

“It’s fine,” Draco sighed, running a hand through his mussed hair. He quickly repaired the vase, levitating it back to the fireplace and walked towards Harry, holding a hand out for the man. “Come on, I’ll get you a sobering potion.” he said quietly. Harry looked at his hand for a moment, before he took it, wrapping his fingers around Draco’s. “Thanks.” Harry whispered.

Shrugging his shoulders, Draco led him to their spare bedroom. He opened the door, greeted with the smell of different herbs and the lingering odour of a potion Draco had brewed yesterday. This was his potions lab, a large pewter cauldron sat in the middle of the room, the entire room adorned with different workbenches. The walls are covered in cabinets with different herbs and ingredients. The very back wall housed a kallax style unit with hundreds of different potions lined up.

“You’re so impressive, do you know that?” Harry praised, smiling at his boyfriends work. Draco brewed for fun these days, he’d become a Potions Master and even accepted a position at the apothecary in Diagon Alley, but he’d quit two years after his mother's death. Draco worked himself into the ground, Harry always suspected it was a coping mechanism more than anything else, but once Draco had started seeing his Mind Healer again he’d quit the Apothecary and decided to brew at home. He never went back. 

“Thanks.” Draco said gruffly, shaking his head. Harry could tell he was in a no nonsense kind of mood, which saddened him a little. They used to have such fun together. Back when Draco loved him. He let out a wistful sigh and shook his head. 

“You forgot our anniversary.” Harry said out of the blue. Draco whirled around, scanning Harry’s face. His mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ shape, face twisting into something that pained Harry to see. “I’m so sorry,” Draco whispered, Harry could see the start of tears forming in the blond’s eyes, he walked forwards and held his arms out, once he reached the other man he wrapped them around Draco’s thin body and nestled his head into his shoulder. “I-I just don’t feel…” Draco’s voice was shaky, Harry could feel his entire body was tense.

“I know,” Harry whispered. “It’s alright.” he said, closing his eyes. He revelled in the heat of Draco’s body, the warm feeling he got when he was close to him. Harry thought about handing his resignation in lately, he was sick of all the paperwork he had to do, the late nights fixing other people’s mistakes, the idiotic public who decided they wanted to meet The Boy Who Lived, so they’d make up fake crimes just to get a look at him. As if they didn’t see enough of him in the Daily bloody Prophet.

“I’m sorry.” Draco whimpered, the tears began to flow freely now, running down his cheeks. Harry stood a little confused and unsure. “I can’t believe I forgot.” the blond mumbled. Harry sighed, maybe if Draco was upset that he’d forgotten, he still cared?

After a few minutes, Harry pulled back and wiped the tears from Draco’s cheeks with his thumb. He gave him a sad smile. Draco passed him the vial of sobering potion. Harry popped the cork and downed the potion, grimacing at the taste. Draco had made it a lot easier to take, modifying the flavour and texture over the years, his brewing skills were perfect, unmatched. Didn’t help that sobering potion, no matter how much you edit it, still tasted like horse piss. 

“Thanks.” Harry groaned, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He felt the effects almost immediately, his head unfogged and he suddenly felt like his senses had come back to him razor sharp. “Bed?” he suggested, motioning his head towards that direction.

Draco just nodded, wrapping his arms around his body. He walked through the door and into the bedroom, leaving Harry alone in the lab.

Harry placed the vial down on the table and followed him, leaving the lab door open. The smell in there was pretty ripe, a bit of airing wouldn’t do it any harm. Once inside the bedroom, Harry closed the door behind him and began to peel his robes off. He hadn’t changed out of his Auror robes, which he threw carelessly onto the floor. Usually Draco would moan about it, but the other man said nothing as he lay back down into bed, pulling the duvet up to his chin.

Harry sighed and crawled into bed next to him. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. A year ago, Harry had gotten someone in to paint with glow in the dark paint constellations on the ceiling, Draco’s entire face lit up when he saw it, he’d hugged Harry so tightly and they’d had the most amazing sex Harry ever had in his life underneath Draco’s brand new painted ceiling.

The memory only hurts now. “I love you,.” he whispered, but he received no reply.

****

**Journal Entry #6206  
2nd September, 2006.**

_Last night was the weirdest experience of my life, I was so nervous when Harry left to go to the pub I puked all over the dining room floor. Literally, all over the bloody place. I can’t stand puke, so I used magic this time._

_I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore. I used to be able to hold my emotions so well, but I’m nearly positive Harry’s leaving, he’s found someone else. He went out to the pub and he came back hammered, he stunk of someone else’s cologne. I forgot our anniversary, if I’m honest I’ve been so worried about everything lately, I never thought about it. I feel terrible._

_I forgot our anniversary so he went to find his lover. I was thinking about telling him I know, I don’t know if I can handle him with someone else, it’s only ever been him for me. He was the second person I’ve ever kissed and the first person I’d slept with. Maybe I could accept it if he didn’t leave, maybe I’ll ask him._

_When he left for work today, I cried._

Pushing his journal to the back of the writing desk, Draco looked around the room. He’d tidied everything up yesterday so he didn’t have anything to do today. He felt too sick to his stomach to attempt brewing any potions, he just couldn’t get the anxieties out of his mind. Standing up, he pushed the chair into the desk and let out a sigh. He’d dressed in a pair of black linen trousers today and a white t-shirt, pulling over one of Harry’s old jumpers on top. It had holes in the sleeves, usually Draco would dress much smarter - but he didn’t have the energy and he liked the way the jumper smelt. It was a plain black jumper with a white stripe across the front. It wasn’t flashy, it wasn’t special, but it was Harry’s.

He walked across the room, his feet tapping against the wood flooring as he went. Deciding to go for a walk down Diagon Alley. The fresh air might do him good. He walked to the front door and slipped his black loafers on. Draco pulled his charcoal trench coat off the peg beside the door and put it on, buttoning up the front. Harry had bought him the coat for his birthday last year, he wondered idly whether anything in his life would not remind him of Harry once it was over.

Draco opened the front door and stepped out into the chilly September air, he closed the door behind him and whispered a quick locking spell. With a pop, Draco apparated to the alleyway just beside the Leaky Cauldron. 

He walked through the archway, into the pub greeting Tom as he went. He then exited the pub and looked up the narrow street, he didn’t have a particular place in mind, he just fancied a walk. Instead of worrying in a place where he was surrounded by Harry, Draco decided to worry somewhere else instead. After all, he wasn’t going to _stop_ worrying after all. 

He began to walk up the street slowly, looking into various different shop windows as he went. He needed a new quill set but he passed by Flourish and Blotts, he had no desire to enter any establishments. His eyes rested on the Wizard Wheezes just up ahead. It was an enjoyable shop, everyone loved the fun, upbeat atmosphere of the place. It just made Draco feel uncomfortable, so he passed it by. Draco stopped at the top of the street, he heard something that caught his attention. Biting his lip, Draco moved towards an alleyway near a shop he’d not been in before. A small child was sitting on the top of a bin, crying.

“Are you alright?” he asked warily, although he was acquitted of his ‘crimes’ sometimes the population of the Wizarding World didn’t appreciate his presence. It was unusual for Draco to venture out alone. The first few years after eighth year, Draco had been subject to some violent attacks, one time they broke the entirety of his front teeth and his jaw. Of course, now he was with Harry they seemed to falter, just ignoring him instead.

The child looked up at him, with teary eyes and nodded. “I’m fine,.” he replied, his voice quivered, it reminded Draco somewhat of himself back when he was a small. Draco had no doubt his father loved him, but not in the way a seven year old child would want. In every sense, Draco had daddy issues and he knew it. His father preferred to buy love, he had no interest in actually showing love and affection. One time, he’d wandered into his father’s study to give him a picture he’d drawn, he’d received a backhand and told to get out instead. Every time after, Draco’s voice had quivered with fear when he’d spoken to his father.

“Are you sure? Where’s your parents?” Draco asked, walking a little closer to the boy. This seemed to set the child off a little more, he cried a little harder, his body shaking. Draco winced, he wondered if the child was an orphan, or maybe he’d gotten lost. 

“I don’ have parents Sir,.” the child replied, looking up at him with teary eyes. Draco bit down on his lower lip. The boy looked filthy, thin and scrawny. A little like Harry when he’d first attended Hogwarts and every year after summer. When he’d told Draco about his childhood, he’d been disgusted. Immediate guilt had hit him, he thought Harry had been worshipped his entire life for being The Boy Who Lived, he assumed Harry thought he was too good for Draco’s friendship. He’d never guessed at the time he was simply a bit of an arsehole, and Draco reminded him too much of his vile cousin Dudley.

It was funny though, Harry explained his conversation with Dudley and how they still met once a month now, the man had gotten out of his parents house quite quickly, he’d gotten together with a girl called Janet who worked in a pet shop. They’d gotten a dog together and moved into a flat above a Hungry Horse. Draco had absolutely no idea what a Hungry Horse was, so Harry had taken him to meet Dudley one day. It amused Draco, he was nothing like Harry previously described. He expected a Crabbe-like brute, but the man in front of him had been thin, though tall. Polite and friendly enough, he’d greeted Draco with open arms. 

Janet and Dudley were getting married this year in December, Draco wondered if he’d see his friend walk down the aisle, or if he’d be another lost friend. 

“Come with me, I’ll take you to the Ministry,.” Draco said softly, holding his hand out for the child. It pained him to see a child so withered away, he wondered how he could’ve possibly gotten lost, had nobody noticed him at all?

The child shifted back, shaking his head. “No, please, no,.” he begged, shaking his little head from side to side. He looked terrified in a way Draco could sympathise with. The child reminded him of himself in sixth year. 

“Why not?” he asked, frowning. The boy got down from the bin and wrapped his arms around his small body. Draco swallowed and moved a little closer. “They will put me in that home again.” the child whispered. Draco narrowed his eyes, he knew what home the child was talking about. Hermione had opened it for war orphans, it had been a great idea and applauded by the Wizarding World as a whole. She’d received a commendation for her services. What happened in that home that this child would be so terrified?

“I-I,” Draco stammered, he hadn’t the faintest idea what to do. “I can take you to someone, he’ll help you.” he offered the child his warmest smile, reaching his hand out once again for the boy to take. He could see the gears working in the child's head, debating on what to do. “Who?” he finally asked, looking up at Draco. 

“He’s called Harry Potter, have you heard of him?” he asked gently, the child’s eyes went wide and he nodded furiously, moving towards Draco with impressive speed. His fingers curled around Draco’s, looking up at him with a small, pained smile. “I have Sir, I know ‘im.”

****

When Draco finally arrived at the Ministry with the small boy, he let out a sigh of relief. The child was wasting away almost, when they’d walked into the light his stomach lurched, he so desperately wanted to apparate the boy home and cook him some food, give him a drink. It made his heart hurt in a way he’d never experienced before.

Draco walked up to the main desk and cleared his throat. The witch behind the desk didn’t like him much, whenever he used to come and visit Harry whilst he was at work, he’d always argue the toss for about half an hour, demanding to see Harry Potter immediately. After the first time, she argued a little less until she just grumbled at him instead. “Hello, I’m here to see Harry Potter.” Draco said as politely as he could. It shocked the witch behind the desk, she nodded and gestured for him to enter the Auror department. 

Draco looked at the small boy, still holding his hand. The boy looked shocked Draco actually knew Harry. Draco was sure the boy thought he’d just hand him back to the Ministry. They wandered down the corridor together, finally reaching the end where a wooden door held the plaque ‘Head Auror, Harry James Potter’ 

“Ready?” Draco whispered, smiling at the boy. He nodded and looked up at the door, as though it was enormous and he was so tiny. Draco sighed and knocked on the door lightly. “Come in!” came a shout. Draco opened the door his eyes resting on Harry who looked dishevelled and a little stressed. 

Harry looked up from his paperwork, his eyes going wide as they rested on Draco. “Hey, what-” he was cut off as his gaze travelled to the boy holding Draco’s hand. He stood up immediately, brushing his robes off. “Hello.” he smiled, walking forwards. 

The boy looked up at Draco with big green eyes. They reminded Draco of Harry a little, he tugged on Draco’s hand and shuffled a little closer to him. “I found him in Diagon Alley, he was down by some bins.” he said, closing the door to Harry’s office. Harry frowned and knelt down in front of the child, scanning him briefly. “What were you doing there little one?” he asked, chewing on his lip. 

“I ran away from the home, Sir.” the boy whispered, he was nervous, Draco could tell. He wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t trust people too well or if it was because Harry Potter was talking to him. A lot of children had that issue, Harry would say hello to them and they’d clam up, or run away. It amused Draco, he often joked he was scaring the kids. 

Harry looked up at Draco, a questioning look on his face. Draco merely shrugged his shoulder. “Why’s that?” asked Harry, he cast a quick cleaning spell on the child, which earned him a squeak and a thank you. “They hurt people there, hit us when we misbehave.” he whispered, looking down at his feet.

Harry let out a gasp, he stood up and ran a hand through his hair. “Shit.” he looked thoughtful for a moment, before he then sighed. “What’s your name?”

The thought had never occurred to Draco to ask the child’s name, he felt a little guilty at that revelation. “James, Sir.” the child said, fiddling with the hem of his ripped t-shirt. Draco looked at Harry’s expression, he had ever the saviour complex and he could tell this child would be no different. Draco hadn’t let go of the boy’s hand for a single moment, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to send him back to that home, he wanted justice for the other James’ in that home, who are too scared to do something as brave as run away. It was as though a big revelation had clicked in Draco’s brain, sometimes running _was_ brave. 

“Right, well if you give me a few minutes I’ll figure this all out okay?” Harry said softly, resting a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Can I have a word?” Harry asked, gesturing for Draco to leave the office with him. Draco looked down at James for a moment, he didn’t want to leave the boy alone - he walked him over to the office swivel chair Harry was sat on and picked him up, placing him gently down on the chair.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back, okay?” he said, smiling at the boy. James nodded and pulled his knees up to his chest, Draco could feel his heart breaking, he turned away and exited the office, Harry just behind him.

The door clicked shut behind them and he let out a breath. “Merlin, Draco.” Harry said, running a hand through his mussed hair. He must’ve done that about a hundred times today and it was only 2pm. “What the hell happened?” 

Draco explained he’d finished writing in his journal and decided to go for a walk, he’d been walking in Diagon Alley and he’d found the boy. He explained how scared James looked, how he’d refused to come with him when he’d mentioned the Ministry, the boy was afraid of going back to the care home, so instead he’d offered to take him to Harry, which he accepted finally. Harry sighed and nodded his head solemnly. “You know he’s going to have to go back, don’t you?” Harry said finally. He looked a little defeated.

Draco scowled. “Can’t we just take him?” he asked. He’d only known the boy for about an hour, he wondered if Harry’s saviour complex had rubbed off on him, he’d never been all about saving orphans before. Harry looked at him for a moment, then shook his head. “I doubt it, but I’ll figure it out.” he said finally. 

Draco walked back into the office and closed the door, leaving Harry to his thoughts.

****

Draco had sat for the next two hours alone with James in Harry’s office. He’d stolen some parchment from Harry’s desk draw and they were drawing pictures when Harry entered the office again. They’d drawn about eight pictures each, though Draco couldn’t help but notice James’ pictures were a little darker than the average child’s. He’d commented on the first one, but after the wince he’d received in response, Draco decided not to press further.

“I talked to Hermione,” Harry said, closing the door behind him. He walked forwards and stood at the other side of the desk, his eyes resting on the pictures Draco and James had drawn whilst he was away. He smiled fondly. “She says she’s going to start an investigation into the home, I took the liberty of retrieving these…” he looked torn for a moment, before handing a piece of parchment to Draco.

Taking it eagerly, Draco looked at the header of the paper, eyes widening. It was adoption forms, they’d never really talked about children before, not in detail anyway. Harry had said once he wanted children, but hadn’t mentioned it again when Draco explained he wanted a little time before they committed their life to another living soul. “Oh,” he said, he was shocked, his heart began to beat rapidly, he didn’t want to send James back to the home, he’d never thought twice about taking the child home. 

“Okay.” he finally said, nodding his head. He looked up at Harry and offered a small smile. However, his thoughts went back to earlier to how he was stuck in the endless loop of wonder. If they adopted this child together, then Harry wouldn’t have an easy way out of their relationship, although it would hurt James in the long run too. He chewed his lower lip and turned his head towards the small boy, who was watching him with those big green eyes. His heart melted.

“They said we can look after him, until the investigation is over.” Harry said, studying Draco’s face. He noted the relief that washed over the blond man’s face, he nodded, not taking his eyes off James for a second. “Would you like to?” 

James looked at him curiously, he nodded his head slowly, fiddling with the hem of his top again. Draco had noticed those nervous ticks immediately, he had the same kind. It pained him to see such a small child traumatised already by the world. “W-Where?” James asked quietly. Draco smiled “We live in a little cottage just beside Hogsmeade, have you been?” 

James shook his head, Draco wondered if there was anything about this small child that _wouldn’t_ break his heart, he stood up and held his hand out to him, James took it eagerly. “When are you finished here?” Draco asked, turning his head towards Harry. Shrugging his shoulders, Harry let out a tired sigh. “No idea, I’ll be home as soon as I can get away.” 

Draco nodded, his mind flashing back to his conversation with Pansy. Perhaps Harry had to do more paperwork, or someone else. He cursed his thoughts, they swirled around like poison, enough to drive him mental. “Okay.” he said, he guided James to the door. The small boy opened the door for him, Draco looked over his shoulder, but Harry had already turned away.

****

When Draco and James had finally arrived outside the cottage, the boy looked hungry, weary even. Draco wasn’t sure what hungry looked like, he thought maybe James would always look hungry with the way his thin ragged clothes fell off his small frame. He led the boy inside and closed the front door behind him, shrugging off his coat and hanging it on the peg.

James pulled his tatty shoes off and placed them down beside Harry’s trainers, it pained Draco to see. He’d been complaining about Harry’s trainers for ages, there were small holes in the sides of them through years of wear, but they didn’t look half as bad as this small child’s shoes. A knock at the door made the boy almost jump out of his skin, he quickly hid behind Draco’s back. It was funny how quickly this child seemed to trust Draco when the entire world did not.

Opening the door, Draco smiled warmly at the blonde woman standing at the other side. He’d owled Luna before they left the Ministry requesting some clothes for young James. She’d happily obliged, punctual as always. “Hey Luna, thank you.” he said, gesturing for her to come inside. She skipped through the door and grinned at him, passing the pile of clothing to Draco.

He led both of them into the living room, James sat down on the sofa as though it was made of glass, sitting bolt upright - reminding him of the way he sat in the Manor. Even though Draco knew his mother loved him dearly, he never knew how to sit properly there, he was never as comfortable anywhere as he was in this home. 

Draco wandered down the corridor to the third, unoccupied bedroom, opening the door. Nobody really came in this room, it was mostly for guests. There was a single bed up against the back wall, a large arched window in the center of the wall. Draco quickly transfigured the cream carpet into a pale blue, changing the magnolia walls to a pretty ocean blue, with a swirly white pattern running through it. 

Sighing, he’d have to find some furniture for the room. He wanted James to feel comfortable, after all.

“James!” he called, taking one last look around the room, he quickly transfigured the deep black curtains hanging either side of the window to a neutral white. James was behind him in an instant, looking up at Draco questioningly. Draco knelt down in front of him and smiled. “This is your room, just until we can sort other things out, okay?” he said softly, his eyes fixed to the boy’s face, trying to gauge a reaction. James looked around the room, his eyes widening. Draco could see the start of tears brimming in the boy’s eyes. “Really?” he whispered, his voice shaky.

Draco nodded and frowned. “I’m sorry it’s not much, but we can always get you some other things I suppose,” he sighed, a little disappointed. James shook his head wildly. “No, no, Sir it’s perfect!” his voice was still shaky, but it was as though he was just given the most precious gift he’d ever had. It made Draco happy, but sad at the same time. 

“It’s Draco, you can call me Draco.” Draco smiled, patting James’ head. He passed the pile of clothes to James and bit his lip. “Here’s some clothes for you, I’ll let you get changed.” he said before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

Draco let out a shaky breath and dragged his fingers through his hair. Just this morning, Draco wasn’t sure what he was doing with his life. Writing in a diary and crying in the bathroom, now he was responsible for another human. It was strange how life worked. 

He walked back into the living room and smiled at Luna, who was sitting on the arm of the sofa. “Is he okay?” she asked, returning the smile. Draco enjoyed being around Luna, there was nothing fake about the woman. She held no secrets and told no lies, she was quirky but excellent. They often had long conversations about anything and everything, he had a weekly coffee date with Pansy, but he held a weekly dinner date with Luna. Something in his mind clicked with the girl, everyone he knew was broken in their own way and he felt like Luna pieced his mind together quite well. They understood each other, it was odd but comforting.

“Yeah, I think so.” Draco sighed, shaking his head. They chatted for a few minutes about where Draco had found James, he heard the squeak of the door as the small boy left the bedroom. Draco turned around and gave James a wide smile. He looked a lot cleaner, wearing a pair of blue jeans and a long sleeved top, adorned with golden snitches. “Brilliant,” he said, nodding in approval. Draco’s parents would never have let him wear anything like this, he always wanted to, but everything he wore had to be fancy, expensive and utterly boring.

James sat back down on the sofa, though Draco noted this time he appeared a lot more comfortable. He could tell the boy was happy to be here, but Draco knew he had a lot of work ahead of him. First and foremost he needed to find out just what had happened to James before he found him in the alleyway.

****

Harry arrived home at around eight, it was an hour earlier than usual, but Draco couldn’t help but fidget as he waited for his boyfriend to come home. He was sitting on the sofa, huddled into the corner with his knees pressed up to his chest. He’d put James to bed at 6pm, the child was tired - he’d had a large dinner and they’d played a little chess before he went to sleep. Draco found he very much enjoyed James’ company. He could tell the child was intelligent, he’d even genuinely lost a game of chess to James who looked exceedingly proud of himself.

Draco still wore Harry’s jumper, it was losing its smell though - it upset Draco a little. It had begun to smell like Draco’s own cologne, mixed with the scent of his shampoo. The reason he’d chosen the jumper in the first place was because Harry had worn it three days ago and slung it over the back of the chair that sat in the corner of their bedroom. 

“Hey.” Harry said as he walked through the door, kicking it closed with the heel of his boot. “Hi.” Draco replied, chewing the inside of his mouth. He had absolutely no idea what to say to the man. He’d been waiting about two and a half hours since James went to bed, and he had a thousand things he _wanted_ to say, but now it came down to it, he couldn’t.

“Your dinner is under a warming charm in the kitchen,” he said, he inspected Harry, he looked a little better than he had done when Draco last saw him, less stressed. Draco wondered if this was the result of another person. The jealousy seemed to consume him, it was either that or anxiety.

“Thanks, is James alright?” Harry asked, wandering into the kitchen. He reemerged with his plate of food, sitting down on his favourite armchair. Draco hadn’t noticed when Harry took his Auror robes off, but a quick glance noted he’d hung them up on the coat peg. “Yes, he’s asleep.” Draco replied. Harry nodded.

He began to eat his food, making a noise of satisfaction. Draco had made lasagne, something he enjoyed cooking, he’d never had it at the Manor - Narcissa had stated it was too common for them, but it wasn’t too common for Draco.

“This is good.” Harry smiled, Draco always enjoyed a compliment on his food. Cooking was a little like potions, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. It was an art form. Draco watched with interest as Harry polished off the portion of lasagne, when he was finished he plonked the plate down on the coffee table and leaned back into his armchair. “Ugh, stuffed,” he moaned, holding his stomach.

Draco smirked, narrowing his eyes. “You always do that,” he teased, shaking his head. Harry shrugged and gave him a sheepish smile. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong yet?” Harry asked. 

Everything, Draco thought. “I’m fine, why do you think there’s something wrong?” Draco knew fine well his attempts at dodging a question Harry asked him was useless, the man always seemed to know exactly when he was lying, or he was withholding something, he knew when he was sad, happy, aroused, irritated, sometimes Draco wondered if Harry knew more about him than he did. Of course, he had ample Harry knowledge himself.

What would he do with that knowledge when Harry was gone? It would drive him around the bend, most likely.

“Hmf.” Harry mumbled, shaking his head. “Never mind,” he finally sighed. Tomorrow was Harry’s day off. Draco wondered if the man would share that day with someone worthy of it. Or if he’d decide to spend it with Draco and James. Draco always thought Harry would make an excellent parent, he has the nurturing trait. They often babysat Teddy together - the little blue haired menace would terrorize their cottage, knocking down all sorts of things. It brought a smile to Harry’s face. Draco would often find them chasing each other or flying broomsticks in the back garden. The thought made him smile.

Draco stood up, pulling his jumper down as it rolled up. “I’m going to bed,” he said, turning around. He began to walk towards the bedroom, leaving Harry sitting in the dull lamplight of the living room alone with his thoughts.

Harry let out a sigh once Draco was out of sight.

****

Harry had woken up at 6am to the sound of crying, he had been dazed and a little disoriented at first, but he’d bolted out of bed quickly after and made his way to the guest room. Opening the door, he stepped inside to see the sweat soaked form of young James. Harry walked forwards and knelt beside his bed, placing a comforting hand on the small boys forearm.

“Are you alright?” he whispered, rubbing circles into his arm. James gasped, nodding his head. Harry was no stranger to nightmares, they’d lessened over the years, he was pretty sure it was Draco’s presence that had helped soothe them. There was nothing more comforting than Draco by his side. It was something he’d least expected all those years ago. They’d been nothing except great sex for a month or two, but what had exploded between them was enough passion and love to ignite Harry’s life in the best way possible.

Harry didn’t like to imagine his life without Draco, it seemed too wrong to contemplate. “Do you want to talk about it?” he whispered. The small boy shook his head, his eyes wandering to the door. “Where’s Draco?” he asked Harry, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Harry let out a chuckle and patted his arm. “You too, huh?” It seemed the both of them needed the blond.

James looked at him with a frown and a questioning gaze, Harry merely shook his head and held his hand out for him. James took it and he led him through to their bedroom where Draco was still fast asleep, hair fanning out around the pillow. James chuckled. “Here he is,” Harry whispered. “He looks silly when he’s asleep, doesn’t he?” 

James nodded. “Do you fancy pancakes?” Harry asked, pointing over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen. James nodded again.

When Draco woke up, he found the bed cold and empty. The feeling of dread immediately washed over him, he jumped out of bed and wandered through to the living room, the smell of food filled his nose, he followed the smell into the kitchen where he found James sat up on a bar stool with a stack of pancakes in front of him. The bottle of maple syrup sat beside him. Draco smiled at the scene before him. 

“Hey,” he said, sitting down on the stool beside James. The boy looked up at him and grinned. “Hiya Draco, Harry is making pancakes,” he said. Draco noted the boy looked at least a little more rested than he had done, he looked happier too. It was a heartwarming sight. “Cool,” he replied, smiling at James. Harry placed a plate stacked with pancakes in front of Draco and winked. “Your highness.” His teasing tone made Draco’s stomach flutter, almost like a swarm of butterflies. “Thank you.” Draco bowed his head, grinning at James who watched the exchange, the boy then began to giggle. 

**Journal Entry #6207  
3rd September, 2006.**

_So yesterday, a little boy came into my life with as big and green eyes as Harry’s. He reminds me a little of him, actually.  
I don’t seem to have a lot to say today, except I’ve never been more worried in my life. I have two people to lose now, it was better when I had none. It hurt less._

Draco closed his journal and pushed it to the back of his desk once again. It was repetitive, but he found the routine soothing somehow. They’d planned to go to the zoo on Harry’s day off, Draco was a little pleased his earlier anxieties were eased. He’d worried that he’d go off and find whoever it was that made him happier than Draco could, but it seemed the man wanted to spend the day with James instead.

Draco slipped his loafers on, wearing the same black jumper as yesterday. He’d purposely left it in the bed so in the morning it would smell a little more like Harry again. It was a ridiculous notion, but it helped somehow. “All ready?” Harry asked, pulling the red trench coat around James. It was something Luna had brought with her in the stack of clothing, as well as a pair of vans trainers. Draco noted James looked a lot better, it gave him an overwhelming sense of pride.

****

James had absolutely loved the zoo, he’d pointed and smiled and giggled. Harry had recorded a couple of photographs of the day, catching a particularly nice one of Draco smiling at a monkey. He’d made a mental note of framing this photograph, sure it would be his new favourite of Draco.

They’d seen everything they possibly could, gotten hotdogs, cotton candy and after they’d finished, Harry took them to the cinema afterwards. Draco watched James’ reaction to the big screen, it was a mix of wonder and astonishment, he’d thoroughly enjoyed the children’s movie playing. Harry watched it with keen interest also, ever the big kid was Harry.

When they returned home, the three of them were all equally knackered. Harry slumped down on his armchair with a loud groan, moaning about having to go to work the next day. Draco just rolled his eyes and took James into his bedroom. He’d made him a cup of tea and read him a story until the small boy had fallen asleep. 

When Draco re-entered the living room, he heard gentle snores coming from Harry. He walked forwards and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead, whispering “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” came the sleepy, mumbled response. Draco stood stunned. He thought Harry was fast asleep, he moved around the armchair and sat down in Harry’s lap, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck. 

Harry opened his eyes and looked at Draco, slightly confused, he then gave him a sleepy smile. “Alright?” he whispered. Draco nodded, nestling his head into Harry’s neck. “Yes,” he simply replied.

****

**Journal Entry #2608  
4th September, 2006.**

_Well yesterday was likely the best day of my life thus far. We went to the zoo and James enjoyed himself so much. This morning, he’s done nothing but chat about everything we saw. He seems very enthusiastic, he’s bouncing around the living room as though he’s been given a sugar injection._

_He’s a little sad Harry isn’t here though, but last night we talked a little and we cuddled. Maybe I’m just going batty. I don’t know, but he told me he loved me._

_This is going to hurt so much isn’t it?_

Draco bit his lower lip and closed the journal. James walked up to him and looked at the book in front of him. “What’s that?” he asked curiously, eyeing the book with interest. Draco whispered a quick locking charm on the book and pushed it to the back of the desk. “Just my diary, it helps.” he smiled.

James raised his eyebrows and nodded. “I’d like to do that, I think,” he said shyly, Draco smiled. “I’ll buy you one then,” he said, standing up from his desk. He pushed the chair in, eyes settling on James. “What would you like to do?” 

James thought for a moment, looking around the room. “Can we watch the telebox?” he asked, pointing at the television. Draco nodded his head and walked towards the sofa, sitting down gently. James sat beside him as close as he possibly could. Draco wondered what kind of life this child had if he formed an attachment this quickly. Then again, Draco perhaps had formed more of an attachment to the boy than he had anticipated. His thoughts went back to the adoption papers Harry gave him in the Ministry just two days ago. Tempting, it was, to fill them out.

“What do you want to watch?” Draco asked, picking up the remote from the coffee table. James looked at him confused and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, what is there?” 

They spent the next few hours watching at least a dozen episodes of Spongebob, as well as a television program about fairies, and one about a little orange dog. James seemed to enjoy the orange dog quite a lot. They were watching a television program about a bear and a little girl when Harry walked through the door. The look on his face startled Draco. He looked beyond angry.

“Harry?” he said, standing up. He motioned for James to stay put and jogged towards the front door. “What’s wrong?” he asked, wincing as Harry glared daggers into him. Harry’s eyes widened and he put a hand on Draco’s shoulder. “Sorry, but I’m fucking sick of that fucking place.” He cursed, shaking his head.

Draco threw up a quick Muffliato around them, watching as Harry ripped his robes off with ferocity and threw them over the peg. “What happened?” he asked quietly. Harry let out a sigh and shook his head. “This idiot keeps sending me creepy as fuck love letters, today they tried to douse me with a fucking love potion too.” he growled. Draco’s heart leaped. He wondered if Harry would ever tell him about the love letters, he frowned. “Did they?” 

“Yeah, and the fucking Minister won’t do bugger all about it because they don’t know who’s doing it. They’ve botched the investigation into the home and if I have to see another piece of shitting paperwork I’m going to Incendio my entire office,” he said, rubbing the palm of his hands against his temple. 

Draco moved forwards and wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist, leaning his head on Harry’s shoulder. “It’ll be alright.” He whispered soothingly, he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of Harry. There was nothing and nobody like this man in the entire world. The Ministry of fucking Magic should be honoured to have him.

“I’m so done with them, Dray,.” He whispered, nestling his head into Draco’s shoulder. Harry had complained bitterly about the Ministry before he’d been made Head Auror, he’d been happy to receive the promotion, to be finally recognised for something other than being the Chosen One, but unfortunately all it entailed was a lot of ball ache, paperwork and dealing with more idiots than he had previously. He hadn’t realised how much work he actually did as just a regular Auror, they seemed to expect the world from him where others got away scot free. “It’ll get better.” Draco sighed. They stood like that for a few minutes, before Draco felt tapping on his back.

“Is everything okay?” James asked, looking up at them with worried eyes. Harry took down the silencing charm and pulled away, instant guilt. He saw the look on the young boy’s face, he looked scared. “Yeah, just work is hard.” He smiled, patting James on the head. The boy looked instantly relieved. Harry wondered if James thought he’d done something wrong. It saddened him greatly. 

“Dinner?” Draco suggested. James nodded enthusiastically and followed the blond into the kitchen. Harry smiled fondly as he watched them go. It was true, all he ever wanted was a family. When Harry had suggested children before, Draco had turned his nose up in disgust. He said he wanted to live his life before he brought another one into it. Draco had been quite selfish when they’d gotten together, always in pursuit of personal gain. He’d changed a lot over the years, he wondered what had made the man change so much. Harry thought back to Draco’s Mind Healer, he’d never really discussed the appointments in detail with Harry, but he had assumed something happened that affected Draco’s personality quite significantly.

Harry remembered when they were going to buy a house together. Draco had looked at several mansions with greedy eyes, he’d suggested all the different antique stores they could shop at, it was as though he was a completely different person these days. It was only when he stopped to think about it, he realised. When they saw the cottage however, Draco had fallen instantly in love. Harry wondered sometimes, even though Draco loved his mother greatly, if the man had felt set free when both of them were gone. 

It was a painful thought.

He walked through to the kitchen, sitting on a wooden bar stool. He watched as Draco explained everything he was doing whilst cooking, James lapped up the information greedily, grinning with enthusiasm as Draco explained something, or if he made a joke. Harry felt a pang of jealousy. He could tell the child cared for Draco deeply in the few days they’d been together, he wondered if he would be replaced by a small child.

It was a silly, petulant thought. But Harry constantly craved the love of Draco. It was like a sickness, all consuming. It irritated and niggled at him. A few tender moments in the past couple of days seem to settle his anxieties, but not too much - Harry was sure Draco was going to leave him. The way he’d turn away from a kiss, or he’d go to bed without asking him to come with. 

He didn’t want to feel the way he does, but.. The mind is a wonder.

****

After dinner, which was an impressive amount of spaghetti bolognese, Harry sat on the left side of the sofa, James in the middle and Draco on the right. They were watching a movie about a pigeon, which in Harry’s opinion was a quality film. Draco kept muttering about different things, it amused and irritated him at the same time. “It’s just a movie, Draco.” he mumbled, shaking his head. James thought Draco’s running commentary was hilarious on the other hand. Draco had made a comment about how there was a lack of bird poop then recounted the time when he was standing outside the Ministry waiting for Harry when a bloody bird shat on his head. James burst into laughter.

“You always bring that up,” Harry moaned. “It’s not my fault your hair is good enough to poop on.” he sighed. Draco looked at him, mock affront on his face. “How dare you!” he grinned at James, who grinned back. “You guys are great.” the boy said sleepily, yawning.

“Tired?” Draco asked, the little boy nodded his head and sighed.

Draco led James into his bedroom, Harry could hear him begin to read aloud. It was funny how much his life seemed to change in such a short duration of time. It wasn’t unusual for Harry, he thought. Draco seemed a little happier today, Harry was unsure whether it was because he was happier with Draco or it was because James had come into their life. Probably the latter. A tapping at the window brought Harry out of his musings, he frowned. 

Standing up, he walked over to the window and opened it. The owl swooped into the room and settled down beside Harry, he took the letter from the owl and gave it a gentle stroke, offering it a treat from the small jar Draco left by the window.

He watched as the owl flew off, closing the window after. Harry immediately noticed the Ministry seal on the letter, he knew it was the documents he’d requested, still didn’t make it any easier. Turning the letter over, he broke the seal and slid the parchment out of the envelope, chewing his lower lip. Yesterday, Harry had requested the documents surrounding James. He wanted to know who his parents were, or any information they currently held on the boy. 

He scanned the papers, wincing at the red writing at the top of the official document stating the child was a ‘war orphan’. It never ever got easier to bare, no matter how many times Harry looked at these documents. It reminded him of himself, of his parents who died far too early. Harry didn’t recognise the names of the parents, not unusual he supposed. James was only seven months old when they’d died. His official date of birth was the 10th September, 1997. Harry closed his eyes briefly, letting grief wash over him. Nowadays he tried to put out of his mind those he’d lost. Never forgotten, but it was easier to deal with. Though this coping mechanism never ever made the 2nd of May any better.

Harry could hear gentle footsteps tapping against their wooden flooring, he opened his eyes, his gaze resting on Draco who looked at him with a frown. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing at the letter in Harry’s hand. Harry sighed and passed the parchment to Draco, who took it willingly.

Upon seeing the letter, Draco’s stomach did a somersault. He wondered if it was more letters from his secret admirer, though Draco’s anxieties had settled a little since Harry had mentioned them. Draco often forgot that Harry simply didn’t like to worry other people. He thought back to the night Harry went to the pub, coming back smelling like cologne. Draco chewed his lip and looked down at the letter, what he saw was not what he expected.

“Oh.” he said simply, his eyes resting on James’ current ‘war orphan’ status. He felt the start of tears brimming in his gray eyes. Harry placed a comforting hand on Draco’s shoulder and let out a sigh. “I know.” he whispered. When Draco finished reading James’ details, he walked over to his writing desk and set it down, fiddling with the sleeve of his jumper. 

“His birthday is in six days.” Draco said, Harry could tell his boyfriend was in a whole other world, his eyes glassy, unfocused. “It is.” Harry nodded in agreement. Draco snapped out of his musings and looked at Harry, a smile gracing his pink lips.

“Can we do something for it?” he asked. Harry let out a laugh and nodded his head. “Sure, what do you want to do?”

Draco chewed his lip, pulling at the threads on the sleeve of his jumper. Harry instantly recognised this, the blond usually did it when he was unsure of something, or he was feeling particularly on edge. He hadn’t seen Draco do it for a long time now, he walked forwards and wrapped his arms around Draco’s waist, a surprised yelp escaped Draco’s lips.

Bringing his hands up to his chest, Draco settled into the crook of Harry’s neck, bending his knees a little to get a comfortable position. “We could get one of those muggle bouncy castles.” Draco suggested, closing his eyes. There was nothing more comforting than Harry, they stood like that for several minutes, the silence stretching across the house. Harry finally broke it, Draco could feel him smiling into the side of his face.

“Yeah, okay.” he whispered. Draco shifted his arms, wrapping them around Harry’s neck. He pulled back a little to look at his boyfriend’s face, he bit his lip. “Harry,” he started, he wasn’t sure what to say. Should he ask Harry outright? Or maybe press for information. Draco couldn’t help but feel like there was something wrong, or someone that Harry would prefer to be with than Draco.

“I-” he was cut off by an almighty bang outside their patio doors. Draco pulled back abruptly, his hand immediately going to his trouser pocket, he drew his wand and walked to the doors, trying to see what the hell was going on. Harry had his wand drawn also, he walked up behind Draco and wrapped his hand around Draco’s arm. “Stay here, just in case.” he whispered, gesturing with his head towards James’ room. Draco nodded.

Harry unlocked the door and slid the patio door open, walking outside. The cold air hit him hard, it was bloody freezing. He could see the ghost of his breath in front of his face. He had his wand drawn, he whispered. “Lumos.” it illuminated enough of the garden for Harry to see a little in front of him, he waved his wand around, trying to figure out what the noise was.

He saw a shifting silhouette of someone to the left of him, he pointed his wand in the direction and cleared his throat. “Who’s there?” he asked, the figure shifted again coming a little closer to Harry. Harry heard the click of the patio door closing, he hoped and prayed to Merlin that Draco didn’t follow him outside, a Stupefy on the tip of his tongue. 

“It’s just me, Harry.” said a voice Harry instantly recognised as Neville. Letting out a sigh of relief, the figure moved closer until his eyes rested on Neville’s face. Holsting his wand, Harry shook his head. “What the bloody hell Nev, you nearly gave us a heart attack.” he grumbled.  
Neville looked up at him sheepishly and held out a large plant his gloved hand was holding. “They’re harvested at night, sorry Harry I should’ve said.” Harry nodded his head and rolled his eyes, turning back around. “Next time, tell me you’re bloody there.” he said, before opening the patio door and slipping back inside the house.

Draco pointed his wand straight at Harry, his bottom lip trembling. Harry could see the terror in Draco’s eyes, he wondered if this was what the blond felt every time Harry left for work, if one day he’d receive an owl that Harry had been killed in the line of duty. “It was just Neville.” he said, rolling his eyes.

Draco lowered his wand slowly and nodded his head, he ran forwards and wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck tightly, Harry snaked his arms around Draco’s waist and held him firmly against his chest. “It’s alright.” he soothed, drawing circles on the small of Draco’s back.

“I hate stuff like that.” Draco whispered, his voice trembling somewhat. Ever since Narcissa had died, Draco hadn’t been the same. He was always on edge, the slightest sound startled him, he hated when people came uninvited, he’d clam up as soon as there was a knock on the door.

“Mm.” Harry mumbled, he ran his hands down Draco’s back, resting on his arse. Draco raised an eyebrow and smirked into Harry’s neck. “Bit of danger and you feel me up.” he mumbled, his tone amused. Harry’s heart jumped.

“Mm.” he mumbled again, his eyes drooping closed. Draco let out a short laugh and pulled back shaking his head at the dark haired man. “You’re tired,” he stated. Harry nodded. “Mm.” 

“Come on then you bloody lump, time for bed.” he said. Harry grabbed Draco’s arse and pulled him up. Immediately, Draco wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist, clutching his neck quite tightly. “Oh not too tired for this then.” he whispered, his voice had a questioning tone to it.

Harry laughed, opening his eyes. “No, of course not.” he said, walking in the direction of their bedroom. He frowned, fiddling with the door handle, once it opened he kicked it lightly with the toe of his shoe. “You’re a bit heavier.” he commented, laying Draco down on the bottom of the bed.

Huffing, Draco looked affronted. “Are you saying I’m getting fat, Potter?” he bit out, looking up at him with challenging eyes. Harry made a very unattractive squeak noise, his eyes widening. “N-No, you’re err-” he stammered, shaking his head quickly. 

Draco folded his arms, raising an eyebrow at Harry. Harry stepped forwards, reaching his hands out for the blond. Draco bit the inside of his mouth. “I think you’re gorgeous, but you are heavier.” he said, he knew he was digging himself a six foot grave and he was putting himself into it too, he didn’t know what came over him, it was true though he _was_ heavier, whether he should’ve mentioned it or not was another thing though.

Draco glared up at him, then in quick succession burst into tears. Harry’s eyes widened to almost comical value and he stepped forwards, wrapping his arms around Draco and pulling him up tightly to his chest. “Dray, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I don’t know why I said it, don’t cry.” he said soothingly, he hated it when Draco cried, it seemed to happen increasingly often, Draco cried in choked sobs into Harry’s chest, he could feel a damp patch where his face was pushed against him. 

“I’m sorry.” he whispered, he ran his fingers through Draco’s hair, he had no idea what he could do to comfort the man, he didn’t realise Draco’s weight was so important to him. He felt like an idiot.

“Harry, are you cheating on me?” Draco asked between gasping breaths, he looked up at him with glassy gray eyes. Harry’s stomach did a leap, his brows knitted together. “What?” he asked, clearly shocked. Draco studied his face for a moment, there was enough shock value to it that he had no idea whether Harry was shocked to be caught or shocked he’d ask.

“You heard me.” he said, trying to calm his shaky breathing down. Harry shook his head. “Of course not, why the hell would you think that?”

Draco bit his lip, he wiped his cheeks with the sleeve of his jumper and sat on the bottom of the bed again, resting his head against Harry’s stomach. “You’re always gone.” he whispered finally, closing his eyes. If this was it, if they weren’t going to be anymore - at least he would have this. He inhaled the scent of Harry, as though he was trying to memorise and store it into the depths of his memory. 

“Draco, I’d never,” he finally said, after what seemed like centuries. Combing his fingers through Draco’s silky blond hair, he let out a sigh “I have a ridiculous amount of work to do and I’m sorry.” he said, Draco could detect the fear in Harry’s voice. He felt a bit stupid, a bit pained. He’d spent the last god knows how long worrying that Harry was going to leave him. “I love you.” Harry whispered.

“I love you too.” Draco mumbled, he looked up at the man before him, a pained expression etched into his features. “I spent the last few days worrying you were getting ready to piss off.” Harry admitted. “You’ve been so upset, withdrawn even.” 

Draco closed his eyes, letting relief wash over him. He knew he was insecure, he wasn’t the perfect person - a lot of people liked to remind him of that. He saw articles now and again in the Daily Prophet, they’d died down since he got together with Harry but they were still there. He saw the anger in Harry’s eyes, his jaw clenched whenever he’d read them. They stopped buying the Prophet because of all the shit it spouted.

Draco knew he was greedy for love, he wanted a great love like in Mills and Boons, something fabulous and otherworldly, it was ridiculous really, he had spent so much of his life trying to live up to an unreasonable expectation, the only things he seemed to seek throughout his life was money and attention. He wanted the attention of the man before him, the little eleven year old boy who rejected his hand at friendship. He wondered sometimes if he deserved the man’s love, if it was false or a joke. He couldn’t help it.

“I feel weird, I’m sad and all over the fucking place.” Draco spat, he pulled back and ran a hand through his hair. It was true, he was really all over the damn place, he cried at the most ridiculous things and felt on edge all the time. He’d assumed it was something to do with his unending fear that Harry would leave, but he wasn’t so sure.

“I noticed.” Harry let out a short laugh. “Wait.” Draco said, he looked up at him with wide eyes and let out an uncharacteristic squeal. “Harry you fuck!” he shouted, he ran out of the bedroom and into the living room, over to his writing desk. He debated sending an owl, but instead he ran over to the fireplace.

Harry stood glued to the spot in the bedroom, staring at the empty space Draco just occupied. What the actual buggering fuck?

****

When Harry walked into the living room, he could hear hushed tones of Draco’s firecall. They never used the fireplace, he looked over at the blond with a raised eyebrow. Draco finished up the call and turned back to Harry, a scowl on his face.

Draco wandered into the kitchen, Harry heard the click of the kettle. He was more than a little confused, he walked to the armchair and sat down, leaning into the padded back. It was the most comfortable chair he’d ever sat in, it wasn’t the most attractive but it was a good one.

Harry heard a light knocking at the front door, he made to get up but Draco was there in an instant. Shuffling through the door was the dark hair of Pansy Parkinson. Harry didn’t mind her, she was nice enough. Whenever she’d come around it was when Harry was at work so he didn’t really see much of her anyway, he frowned. This was the most bizarre night of his life. Well, every day was bizarre when the love of your life was Draco Malfoy. 

Harry’s eyes rested on the red of his Auror robes, he knew what was inside the right pocket. He swallowed. Harry was a bit gutted when Draco had forgotten their anniversary. He’d booked a nice table at a restaurant they enjoyed going to, the week before he bought a ring, silver band with sparkling emeralds and diamonds, it was expensive but every bit worth it. When Draco refused to go out, he decided the best idea was to drown his sorrows in the Leaky. 

Draco ushered Pansy to the direction of their bedroom. Harry wanted to go investigate, but whatever this was Draco seemed to want to do it alone. He felt a pang of jealousy, unwarranted of course but it always happened when he felt left out. 

After what seemed to stretch into eternity, Pansy wandered into the living room her eyes resting on Harry. Harry looked at her for a moment, she was dressed in silk pyjamas, her dressing gown wrapped around her tiny body. She’d definitely grown into herself, no longer the pug faced girl she once was. “I think you need to talk to Draco.” she said, wandering back to the front door. Harry frowned, turning his head towards the direction of the bedroom.

“Why?” he asked curiously, standing up. Pansy let out a laugh. “Just go, Potter.” she drawled, with a pop, she was gone.

Harry took in a deep breath, before he walked into their bedroom his eyes resting on Draco who’s hair was mussed, he had a pained expression on his face, his entire body shaking. In his hand, he was holding what looked like a plastic pencil.

Harry raised an eyebrow. “What’s up?” he asked, sitting down beside his boyfriend. Draco thrust the pencil in Harry’s direction and sent him a scathing glare. “You idiot, you do realise male pregnancy in the Wizarding World is incredibly rare and usually only happens to purebloods, right?” he said. Harry looked at him, the perfect ‘o’ shape forming on his lips. He peered down at the pencil Draco had thrust in his direction and took it.

“Oh.” he said dumbfounded. He never even knew male pregnancy was a thing. Why the bloody hell hadn’t Draco mentioned it before.

“Yes, Potter, oh.” Draco spat, he was glaring daggers at him. Harry let out a short laugh, his whole face exploding into the most shit-eating grin Draco had ever seen. Draco frowned, looking thoroughly confused. “You’re happy.” he said, more of a question than a statement.

“Of course I’m happy you twat.” Harry teased, he wrapped his arms around Draco, lifted him up and spun him around in a circle. Draco groaned, “Don’t do that, I’m pregnant and sickly.” he moaned. Harry put him back down on his feet and reached forwards, pressing his lips to Draco’s.

Draco’s eyes widened, he smiled against Harry’s lips, narrowing his eyes. “You’re an idiot.” he mumbled against Harry’s lips. Harry merely shrugged his shoulders, his lips moving with fervor. It caught Draco a little off guard, he stumbled back and landed on the bed. Harry moved with him, his lips not once leaving Draco’s.

****

**Journal Entry #2609  
**  
1st December 2006

_Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written here. It’s funny isn’t it? During the war I still wrote in my journal, even in that dreaded sixth year at Hogwarts. Well, I’m four months pregnant now and I can confirm, Harry had no intention of leaving me. I could say it was down to pregnancy hormones that I got myself in a bit of a bind emotionally, but if I’m being perfectly honest I do still worry, I’m not the most perfect person in the world and I hope that one day Harry doesn’t see me how I see myself._

_It’s really odd though, It’s gone from just us two, to four! We got the papers through today, formally we’ve adopted James Malfoy-Potter. He’s a lively kid I’ll admit, since James came here he’s taken such an interest in Neville’s plants, he could stand outside for hours asking Longbottom incessant questions about the different things he grows in our bloody back garden. I wonder what house he’ll be in, he’s quite a lot like me if I’m honest. I hope Slytherin._

_As I sit here, Harry is making dinner. Dinner! Harry! I can almost hear your leather binding gasp. Tomorrow, Harry’s going into the Ministry to step down from Head Auror, I told him he’d regret it but he insists. I think he’ll still be an Auror though. James keeps asking about the baby, he’s almost as excited as Harry is. Today, James called me dad. I cried, twice._

_Hermione (who is also pregnant, that idiot Weasley didn’t even realise Hermione was more neurotic than normal) I want to say in her hormonal outrage but I know exactly how she feels stormed into the Ministry and demanded a formal investigation led by herself, the majority of the orphanage’s staff were fired and also personally investigated, I think she’s setting something up with Professor McGonnagall for the children of the war, I’m sure I heard the Headmaster mumble something about ‘leaving babies on doorsteps’ - I’ll have to ask Harry about that one._

_Weasley is very shocked, bloody buffoon. I thought for sure, with his own family being pureblood they’d have learnt of male pregnancy, according to Hermione he’d almost passed out when she told him about her own pregnancy, he DID pass out when we told him about mine. I’m babbling._

_But you see, more importantly, James has heard almost everything to do with the war, which for a child of his age is outrageous, but that bloody orphanage was disgusting. James knows all about Death Eaters, he knows about me, about my mark, he knows about Harry and everything in between._

_But he still loves me, it’s a shame it took a child to help me realise I am worth something, but it has._

_I love him too, dearly. I don’t know what my father was thinking, but I will do everything I can to show as much love and care to my children, until the day I die._

Draco pushed the journal to the back of the table, he looked down at the wooden grain of the table, at the marks where James had accidentally gone over the lines on his colouring book, where sharpie pen was stained into the desk. He smiled, running the tip of his finger over the line, it didn’t matter, a few years ago he’d have been outraged at the prospect of a piece of furniture worth _that_ much was ruined, but now? Now he didn’t care, it was memories of love, of happiness. As he looked up at the man walking towards him, he bit his lower lip and let himself feel all the love buried deep in his heart, he was home, and he was loved.

That is worth every galleon in the world.


End file.
